Thank You

So it's spring semester of my sophomore year. So far it has been bitter sweet. I have many classes I'm excited about and then there are those I am stressed out about. I love my major classes and seeing everyone again, but my gen eds are driving me nuts. Particularly my math class which has a complicated online registration thing that is not working. Also not having a roommate is very lonely. I don't like going back to my room by myself. I am very stressed all ready.

To de stress I like to write and since my last blog was about my best friend, I decided to write this one about my best guy friend. It is kind of my way of saying thanks to him because I know I am a huge burden to deal with when I am stressed and upset.

The one thing that is keeping me sane is being able to talk to my best guy friend. Unfortunately he lives far away so I have to rely on technology to talk to him which is really annoying because sometimes it doesn't work. I feel bad because I've been so stressed and I feel like I keep bugging him, but if I love talking to him.

When I stress out I have panic attacks and I need someone around at that moment to calm me down. He is always there for me and helps me rationalize and feel better. Everyone needs that person in their life that they can rely on and he is that one person. He and I have no secrets. I can tell him anything, even if it's about him and I feel so comfortable. It's very odd because he and I went to elementary school together, but haven't seen each other since, yet he is the one I turn to.

Though I tell him all the time, I don't think he will fully understand how much I appreciate him. I know it's gotta be annoying when someone texts you everyday, but he never leaves. I have had friends in the past who have left me and that has lead me to believe that someday he will get tired of me and leave too. This thought scares me, but somehow I know he won't.

I made this blog with the intention of writing ideas for films or stories, but it has become more of a way to vent about things in my life or things that help me out. I know when I look back on these somehow they will inspire me because I have amazing people in my life that care about me so much. Though this blog is mainly about my best guy friend I also want to mention Krissy and Emily who live right next door to me and are always there for me too. I absolutely love you all and appreciate you in my life.

To My Best Friend

I bought my favorite movie today, Pretty in Pink. I'm always up late listening to music and I was thinking about my movie I bought then I burst into tears. My best friend and I would always watch 80s movies together. My senior year of high school her family left and moved away. That was a tough year for me and I missed having her around.

Since then she has gotten married, moved again, and has a baby. I haven't seen her in two years and she is finally coming to visit. While I was thinking about all this, something hit me. Images from all the times we had to part ways filled my mind and I started to cry. At first it was no big thing, then I started to cry real hard and started to wish she never moved away from me that year and would have stayed.

A few minutes later I realized that this was very selfish of me and started crying again. Life has it's way of working things out, but sometimes I'm stubborn and want things my way. I want her to be here with me now, but I know I have to be patient for her visit.

It's funny because I'm actually crying right now because I'm remembering all the fun things we used to do together. We were so silly. One of the things I wanted to do tonight was just hug her and tell her how much I love and miss her. We will be best friends forever no matter how many miles are in between us.

I realize this is a very short blog about someone who is very important to me and it should be longer, but it's late, I've been crying, and my thoughts are all jumbled. Writing calms me down and I know there will probably be more blogs in the future about her, like when she comes to visit. But sometimes, there is a lot more meaning behind fewer words. I love you, Tera.

So is the life of a Military Brat

Today while I was at work I happened to glance at one of the paintings hanging on the wall. It was of a few ships at sea. If you have seen the new Chronicles of Narnia, you will know what I did next. I stared at the painting with all my might and tried to make it move and take me to Narnia. To a place where fantasy becomes reality and you are a hero.

I have realized that I have been doing a whole lot of wishful thinking lately. One in particular is the idea of having a hometown. My dad was in the military so I moved around a whole lot. So I began thinking what if California had been my home, or even New York City?

What if instead of moving again after Alaska, we stayed in California? Well the ideal scenario I picture is one where Tera (my best friend) never moves either and we both grow up together in California. I imagine that right about now we would both have an apartment by the beach and be going to UCLA. Maybe even dating some nice surfer dudes.

What if instead of moving again after California, we stayed in New York City? Well, for this case let's say everyone I knew on the military base stayed as well and never moved. Here is where I think I would be the most happy. I actually completed the whole five years of elementary school in NYC. This is where I lived out the majority of my childhood. The friends I made here I would have loved to grow up with and see everyday. I had a group of friends on the base that mainly consisted of guys, and one other girl. I believe at this point probably the girl and only one of the guys and I would have remained real close friends and maybe have gone to college together. As for relationship wise, probably one of us would be dating the guy and the other would find some gorgeous new yorker.

The point is, I picture these scenarios in my head and sometimes I wish that they really would have played out that way. I wish that I had some place to call home. Then I think about the flip side of it all. If I would have stayed in one place, I would have never moved to Indiana. If I never moved to Indiana, I would never be at WKU and met all my amazing friends I have now. I also would have never traveled a lot, and would have never gotten to meet some of the amazing people I've encountered on those trips.

If magic existed and I had one wish, would I use it to change my life to fit one of these pictures? At times, when I am really upset, I would, but when it comes down to it, would I really? I honestly don't have an answer for that. If I could change it all, I have no clue if I would or not.

Though at times it is nice to think about the what ifs in life, it can also be very dangerous. I understand my life is what it is now and will not change. I do not have a place to call home, I have many. I do not have friends I've grown up with right next door, I have ones from all over the country.

A New Beginning

So it's a new year and I realized I haven't written a blog, well ever. I have a blog already up with my short stories on it, but I have never actually written one. I became a little bit aggravated tonight and decided I needed to write, but I couldn't come up with a short story. I've been talking to one of my friend's that I went to elementary school with and through talking to him I decided it was probably a better idea to write a blog every now and then to get some thoughts out, then to try and cram out some random idea.

Though this year has just started, a few tough things have already happened. One of the main ones being the death of my first pet. He was a beta fish I named Misha Castiel Winchester and I had him for two months. I tried my best to keep him alive, but in the end it was time for him to go. I did cry over his passing, but my parents bought me two new fish and I named them Caspian and Duckie.

Even though it was "only a fish" as some might say, I did learn something from this event. There comes a time when you can't save or hold onto something or someone anymore. You just have to let them go, and it's okay to morn for awhile, it's allowed, but when the time comes to move on you need to pick yourself up and be ready. I don't look at Caspian and Duckie as Misha's replacements. I look at them as a new beginning.